On October 6, 2008, I tragically lost my wife. We would have celebrated our 39th wedding anniversary in three months. We were to many of our friends and family the perfect couple. We had a wonderful marriage, raised two great kids and were experiencing the joy of being grandparents. We both retired young and had spent the past ten years traveling the world, exploring and enjoying life. She was diagnosed with breast cancer. After two lumpectomy operations, five weeks of radiation and being put on medication, she was declared cancer free. The ordeal of battling the cancer, concerns for her health and the side effects of the medication began a spiral of depression that we were not prepared for. I took her to twelve doctors over the next 6 months. She had MRI’s, X-rays, brain scans and blood and urine tests with each specialist. Over the next two years nothing helped to reduce her anxieties and phobias. She became severely depressed and suicidal. She ultimately took her life, ending her pain and suffering. I was left to try and deal with the pain due to the loss of my wife, lover, mother of my children and the most important person in my life. I felt many emotions especially guilt, sorrow, pain, agony, loneliness, and more. I had to be strong for my children and her family. I had to be strong for myself. I cried and I experienced feelings I have never felt or was willing to show before this tragic event. I am still dealing with these feelings and emotions. I will for the rest of my life. But I have gotten through these hard times with the help of family and friends and here is one example.

I helped to organize a reunion of some of my buddies from the helicopter company we all flew with in Vietnam. This is a group that I can only describe as “Brothers”. We have known each other since flight school, shared the experience of war and have kept in contact over the years. We lost mutual friends in combat, protected and covered each other, and in some cases put our lives on the line to save and protect each other. We truly were each other’s “wingman” in war and throughout life. These were the men I could turn to whenever I needed help of any kind. We spent two days in Biloxi, Mississippi at the reunion laughing, joking, harassing each other and enjoying being together. It doesn’t matter how long the separation, we take right up where we left off the last time we were together.

After Biloxi four of us went to New Orleans to continue our reunion and for our return flights home. We decided to meet in the lobby of the Sheraton Hotel where we were staying for drinks and to start our fun night in New Orleans. At this point I need to tell you a little about the men in the group. I am using our helicopter company unit call signs instead of their real names. J.R. is a big, strong retired sergeant in the county sheriff’s department. Hack is a construction project manager. He has always been a big tough man’s man. Dude after years as a successful businessman is now a leader of men’s encounter groups and one of my closest friends. Me, I’m Spider Man, a retired business executive. Together we have multiple awards of the Silver Star, Distinguished Flying Cross, Purple Heart, Air Medal for Valor, Bronze Star, and more than a hundred Air Medals awarded for the combined 3000 hours of combat flight time. I’m not sharing this to brag, only to let you understand the background of this group of men. They are men of honor, duty, and integrity.

We met in the lobby for drinks and to continue the reunion. I shared the ordeal of my wife’s death with my friends. Each of them shared with me their feelings, emotions and thoughts about my wife and me. Each of these men shared with me their love and offer of support as I made this journey of recovery. I began to cry as I truly felt the love I was receiving from my brothers. Soon we were all crying as we shared how much each of us meant to each other. This was all being done in the lobby main bar at the Sheraton Hotel during Happy Hour. Everyone in the bar couldn’t help but notice the four grown men crying, hugging and laughing. I’m not sure what people were thinking as they observed us, but I didn’t care. It was the most moving emotional, spiritual healing experience of my life.

Before this experience, I didn’t think I could feel closer to these long time friends than I already did, but I was wrong. The openness that we were willing to share our feelings, emotions and thoughts took us to a new level of brotherhood. I, and I hope each of them, came away knowing that my bond with them is stronger than ever. I can only say, “Thank You and I love you Brothers!”

Spider Man

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